Twins Win!!!

Emily and I finally made it to our first Twins game together, this season. She has actually been to a game this year without me. This is the first time we went together.

It was as fun as always. But this is frustrating: 17 games ago, the Twins were 11 games out of first place. They have won 15 of those 17 games. They are still 11 games out. How is that possible?

This is also the first time I have been to a game since Joe Mauer has finally been playing up to his hype. Some of the meathead DJs on the all-sports radio channel her (KFAN) call Mauer "Baby Jesus" for all the hype and love he gets from the fans. That's actually damn funny. And it's true. Granted, Mauer went 4 for 5 with 5 RBIs tonight (including a triple and a double), but the way the crowd acted everytime he came to bat, you'd think he walked on water on his way from home plate to first base. I'd like for someone to start a "Baby Jesus" chant at the Dome. Fear not, Emily, it won't be me.

As an aside, going to a baseball is like a box of chocolates. You never know who you'll end up sitting next to. I was sitting next to and in front of a bunch of real charachters. They annoy you just as much as they entertain you. Such a paradox.

Obe Wan Has Taught Me Well

My friend Zander and I ran Grandma's Marathon last Saturday, in Duluth, MN. Zander ran with me in college and this was the first marathon he ever ran. He started training in February and I felt I had enough of a training base to half-ass train and still keep up with a rookie marathoner. Perhaps that is why my last name rhymes with "cocky." It turns out the student had become the master. Zander is now, in my mind, a mix between Mr. Miyagi and Obe Wan.

So, mid-March, I go for a long run with Zandypants and come to realize he is in way better shape than I thought, and in fact, better shape than I was. So I said a few non-flattering things about that son-of-a-biscuit-eater named Zandypants, sent his dad some biscuits to eat, and amped up my training.

I am happy to say that this is the first marathon I trained easily for. I never went over 50 miles a week and I stayed as far away from tracks and speed workouts as possible.

But the marathon was such a great experience not because of my training, but because Zandypants taught me the art of patience. Sure I ran a 3:14, which is 15+ minutes off my PR, but I trained a lot less this time around, and it was a wickedly hot and humid day. But throughout the first 10 miles of the marathon, Zander kept on talking about how he wanted to take it easy. We even stopped for a few pee breaks, something I would have never done before. I'd rather hold it for two hours than sacrifice those crucial seconds. But Zander taught me to pee away and enjoy the experience.

Of course that lasted until the half-way point. Then I lost Zander at a water stop and looked for him a few times before saying "screw it" and I took off, as this picture hopefully illustrates. It is me at mile 19.



The girl I am running with was the MOST HAPPY AND POSITIVE PERSON EVER. WE WERE AWESOME, she told me, THERE WAS NO WAY WE WOULD EVER GET TIRED!!!!!!!! I appreciated the company and pacing partner at that point in the race. I tolerated the overly positive vibe for as long as I could, but I had to part ways with her at mile 21.

And thanks again to Zander and our patient start, I was able to run the last four miles, agony free, even though my legs were out of glycogen. It was the least painful "wall" I've ever hit. All told, I probably passed over 250 people over the last 13 miles. So sure, I missed by PR by 15 minutes, but my ego has never been so inflated by the end of that race.



Here I am finishing, This is the happiest I've ever looked at the end of a marathon. That's what happens when you run the second half a marathon faster than the first half.



You can read Emily's summary of how I ended up turning my 26.2 mile day into a 30.7 mile day of running. Oops.





Here's I picture of some of the guys I trained with this summer (sans-Zander) hanging out and celebrating in downtown Duluth (the marathon was earlier that day). I'm the jackass in the middle. If I knew that, in a few hours I'd be running another 4.5 miles just to go to bed, I would have wiped that ridiculous smile off my face.

Blog for Jake

I have this brother-in-law who fancies himself as an old school Texan. He does the bit with the horsies and the drawl. But when push comes to shove, Tex is just as big a cybergeek as Mark Cuban. I say this because he has been on me non-stop to update this blog. What's the deal... you guys aren't satisfied reading the ass soup story over and over again?

So here's a new post. I am going to Germany with my sisters in less than a month. My sister heard this story on NPR that people who received measles vaccines betweeen the McCarthy Era and man landing on the moon need to get new vaccines. And these people traveling to post-World Cup Germany should be doubly-sure to get vaccinated since Germany will be be hosting the World Cup of Communicable Diseases once all the people leave.

My sister, being the oldest and therefore the most protective, assertive, and thorough, promptly e-mailed our family doctor in Texas and asked if we should get re-vaccinated. The doctor said we all should, including me, born in 1971 AFTER the guy with the strong arms kneeled on the moon. So be it. So upon receiving this news, I wrote an e-mail explaining why I didn't have to go get re-vaccinated. Jake wrote back in a terse e-mail saying that the story belongs on my] blog....

Here you go Jake. You thought the ass soup story was stale the second time around; is reading this re-run any fresher?

Editor's Note: Names changed to protect the innocent, and some lines changed to make thisstory more entertaining.

Thanks to Joe and Harry Yomamma, I think I'm in the clear. Joe never missed a day of school from third grade on. He bragged about this from time to time, as Harry was growing up.

So Harry hadn't missed a day of school since second grade and was out to break Joe's family record. My sophomore or junior year Harry was feeling sick but had to keep the streak alive, so he kept coming to school.

Turns out he was coming to school with the measles for half a week, until he was quarantined to his bedroom.

The result? Joe's lame streak stays alive. He wins I guess. Oh yeah, and the rest of the Alamo Heights student body loses. Measles vaccines for the whole school!! I have no idea if the school district's taxpayers tried to get the Yomamma family to foot the bill for all those vaccines.

Harry Yomamma will now forever go down in my high school memories as one of the all-time jackasses for the measles epidemic he started.

But I guess I should thank him, as I know I have 1988 measles vaccine flowing through my bloodstream and none of that nasty 1960s shit you got stuck with.